This is a very challenging time for almost everyone in the world. Covid-19 may even be the biggest challenge you have ever had to face. There are many roads for each of us to navigate during our lifetime, one of which is how to stay home when your partner is in your face. The thing to remember is you are in your partners face as well. As nice as you might think you are, you can still be a problem.

Here are some suggestions which you may consider when staying home together and your partner is constantly in your face.

  • ONE: Do not stay in the same room as your partner for longer than 3 minutes unless you are wearing headphones. Both partners wearing headphones is optimal.
  • TWO: Avoid any eye contact-save it for a special occasion, like an anniversary or the birth of your child.
  • THREE: Play a game; pretend one of you is on night shift and the other on day shift. Act accordingly. Earplugs are essential.
  • FOUR: If possible, create a 6-foot swath around your partner when you pass him or her. If it is not possible, close your eyes and mouth the entire Desiderata while your partner brushes past you.
  • FIVE: Each person in the household should have their own designated bathroom. If this is not an option, get a bigger house. It’s a buyer’s market. Or go back to your parents’ house. That’s what it’s there for.
  • SIX: Put a paper bag on your head if you are about to spew vitriol at your partner. Use two bags if you’re really pissed at him/her. “Why two bags you may ask?” “In case one breaks.” *  Another advantage of putting a paper bag on your head is that it provides the opportunity for you to make faces, roll your eyes and stick your tongue out. All of these actions are childish of course. Best your partner does not see how immature you can be.
  • SEVEN: It is best not to talk to your partner while you are in quarantine together. What is there to talk about anyway? You already know everything you need to know about the person you live with. Maybe you already know more than you care to.
  • EIGHT: If you have a moment of self-revelation or insight keep it to yourself. The last thing your partner wants to hear is what is going on inside your little head. They just want out.
  • NINE: If you are trying to cope with your partner in your face and you have kids to boot, contact your kids’ teachers and ask if they can babysit. Or, if the kids are lucky enough to have grandparents, send them to grandma and grandpa’s house. Are you worried that the grandparents might be too vulnerable to look after your kids? Don’t be silly. Your parents have had a good run.
  • TEN: Stop listening or reading about all the good things that are happening during this pandemic. Listening or reading about good things will only give you a bit of hope and what’s the point of that?

Seriously

Eat well, exercise, sleep (not too much), get a project going (anything) and when you feel an eruption of nastiness coming get your paper bag on.

Breathe consciously for 3-5 minutes regularly. Sit quietly. Close your eyes and focus your attention on your heart.

100 List… the cure **

Make a list of 100 things you love and appreciate about your partner.

Reminisce.

Take your time as this exercise cannot be done in a day. You may have weeks to complete this list.

DO NOT STOP UNTIL YOU HAVE 100 on the list.

Leave the 100 List on the kitchen table in his/her spot. Hide and peek around the corner and watch them read.

 

*The paper bag suggestion comes from a very old joke that goes something like this:

First person: “he/she is so ugly, they should put a bag on their head”. “Maybe two bags.”

Second person: “Why two bags?”

First person: “In case one breaks.”

** The 100 List practice was gifted to me by my daughter.

Julia Kopala